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February 19 2010

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Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'
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summer (6).
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Musisz starannie stawiać kroki i ciągle tańczyć. I tym sposobem choćby po trochu zmiękczysz to, co w tobie stwardniało. Nie na wszystko jest za późno. Musisz wykorzystać, co się da. Zrobić wszystko, na co cię stać. Nie masz się czego bać. Na pewno jesteś zmęczony. Zmęczony i przestraszony. Każdy ma takie chwile. Wszystko wydaje się pomyłką i dlatego ludzie się zatrzymują.
— Tańcz, tańcz, tańcz.
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February 17 2010

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I believe in pink.
I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.
I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. 
I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.
I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.
I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
— Audrey Hepburn
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February 16 2010

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November 28 2009

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Wczoraj - bardzo dobry wieczór, film o Woodstocku, poczucie że wszystko się może ułożyć, że ciało w końcu da spokój i przestanie się buntować. Bliscy ludzie obok w kinie.

Oglądając ten film miałam ochotę się brudzić, pojechać na festiwal, nosić takie hippisowskie sukienki i czuć obezwładniającą miłość tłumu.

Badania wychodzą do niczego, znów. Cholerne zapalenie, witajcie papki i gotowane paskudztwa ;)

Ważny sms od F. Dziękuję Ci.

Dziś - spotkam się z Przyjaciółkami.

Chciałabym nie mieć tego dziwacznego poczucia, że od tego jak spędzam kolejne godziny zależy coś strasznie ważnego, nie mieć tego stresu nie wiadomo skąd i po co.

Chyba dojrzewam do założenia bloga, pora już pisać, brakuje mi tego.

I myślę - co może mnie w najbliższym czasie spotkać najgorszego przez to zdrowie? No najwyżej mnie wyrzucą, to byłoby okropne, ale od tego się nie umiera, prawda?
Jakoś bym sobie w końcu poradziła.


*

On jest moją rodziną, oparciem, większość rzeczy robimy razem, odzwyczaiłam się od jego nieobecności.

I choć wczorajszy powrót do domu nie był zły, dziś już mi się dłuży.

Dobrze, że niedługo wychodzę.
Że Kasia i Asia będą przy mnie.

Przypominam sobie rzeczy za które jestem wdzięczna, a potem i tak chce mi się płakać.

Wracaj uśmiechu, wracaj.



November 27 2009

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September 23 2009

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29 years old. Hurray!

I can’t wait to be 30, 35, 59, 79. For the sweet wrinkles, all those places and jokes I will know in a next decades, for all the pain, for the joy, for the happiness and sadness.

Come, let me feel you, I mean it.

I’m not one of those girls, waiting for the ceremonies, papers, white dress, diamonds, cars and red carpets. Frankly, my dear "family", I don't give a damn! :)

I’m grateful for what I’ve got. The Love of my Life breathes next to me.

Now he's asleep.

It lasts now, day by day.

My body sometimes is too painful to be a good vehicle, but my brain is ok with it.

I just need some water to drink, feel the peace, and The Love.

Thanks, my Friends. (I love you, I really do!)

I have it all. Of course I know what a disappointment I am for my catholic country.

This 29 woman, neither “the old made”, nor “the wife". This quirky, non-drinking alcohol more than once a month, a smoker, sometimes with a G.I.Jane style on the head.

Gee, what a weirdo :)

No red meat, no “sin”, no “tell me what to do, Master of Disaster” types are not popular.

No drugs, thanks, even the grass, simply because I don’t need to escape. I’m perfectly okay with myself. With a feminism, partnership, cooking and hand washing for my <!--?xml:namespace prefix =" st1" ns =" "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags"" /-->Man.

My Beloved looked at me 3 years ago. We could not stop talking. It was a love, not a desire at the beginning.

I wished him all the best. I crossed my fingers. He did the same. Two strangers met. I was constantly laughing, but a very sad girl. He knew it, without asking me. I felt he knew.

The best jokes I have ever heard were his. I have adored his talent since I was the ugliest 20 year old woman you could imagine. Damn, I was too fat to be attractive, believe me. Fitness, diets, nothing was enough to help then. Classical Ugly Betty, little miss sunshine with complexes. Fighting with her fears and demons. We all were there. I was there too.

I knew a name, the brain, what a galaxy inside! And than, 3 years ago, this deep look, so unique kind of contact.

A year and a half time ago – the Man asked me if I would go for a tea with him.

He breathes. He exists. The tea is green, it’s the everlasting spring.

I’m a fuckin’ Buddhist and this is my enlightenment:

I am happy. Not as a “part”, not as a “dreamer” or the “desperate housewife”.

My Birthday Party, my New Years Eve started 4 hours ago. I’m tired, too tired to wash the dishes, I’m exhausted, have fever and – I'm still full of joy, lying with the laptop, with the headphones and patience to recover.

My name is Evelyn. Ewelina. Ellik. The healthy body is all I need for myself.

The rest is the silence and the lotus flower.

Dziękuję, Kochanie.

September 16 2009

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Bill i Steve.
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September 01 2009

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